- Mar 14, 2012
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Well after being accused of having rotten taste in movies because of my list of 35, I thought I'd share 5 that there is no defense for. These are spectacularly awful. Which is what makes them so fun to watch! Now and then a few of my friends will get together and torture each other with Bad Movie Night. It's essentially an excuse to crack each other up at the expense of a terrible movie. So these are so bad, they're good.
Torque In response to the success of The Fast and Furious, this movie was made but with motorcycles instead. It is bug nuts insane. I started watching it just to see how terrible it was, and I couldn't stop because just when I thought it couldn't get any more ludicrous, it did. It is 88 minutes of pure comedy. I'll give you a few examples...
Throughout the movie, you will see characters drinking. Not once do they ever set their drink down, instead it is always thrown. Always! There are no less than 15 shots of characters speaking in a reflection. It's supposed to look cool. I found it silly. You will also not see a movie that uses product more blatantly than during a climactic moment of the movie, when do people joust (!) on motorcycles, all the while there are these HUGE billboards for Pepsi and Mountain Dew behind them. It's also fun to watch as tires change during the same scene depending on what the terrain is. They go from road slicks to nobbies and it is so obvious. And then there's the ridiculous explosion from a bike, despite the tiny fuel tank.
Whenever I've shown the movie to people, they tear with laughter. It is a total drinking game movie. I also proudly own it because how could I not?
MegaForce This came out the same summer that Krull was out. Whereas that movie is just a stinking pile, MegaForce manages to be entertainingly bad. It is the unintentionally gayest movie ever. The lead is named Ace, and he wears a silver lamme skin tight jumpsuit with nothing more than cowboy boots, a utility belt, and a blue strip of cloth to keep his hair bouncy. The lead actress is hideous, and I can't figure who thought casting her as the attractive love interest was a good idea. The movie is about this elite force that drives around the dessert on flashy motorcycles, popping wheelies and shooting little rockets at balls flying through the air.
It truly defies description. The story makes zero sense, the humor is terrible, and the action appalling. But that's its charm too. My favorite part is when the elite force skydives into a combat zone, but takes the time to do aerial acrobatics. And then they set off colored flairs from their shoes, each a different color of the rainbow, so that it looks like the gay pride parade is coming in for a landing. Oh, and then there's this thing the lead does with kissing his thumb and pointing it at people. So weird.
Good luck finding the movie. I wound up downloading a torrent of it and burning it to DVD. So worth the hassle.
Sheena It's supposed to be a kids movie. So they cast Tanya Roberts to prance around in loin cloth. And have her get naked. In extended shots. Multiple times. And somehow it got a PG rating! Stupidity abounds in this movie, and yet it's played deadly serious. Spoiler alert...the bad guy gets taken out by a flock of killer flamingos. I kid you not.
WishCraft (sorry, but the only trailers I could find were in foreign dubs) A kid finds a dried up donkey dick that is supposed to grant whoever is in possession of it 3 wishes. Yeah, you read that right. The kid really wants to date this hot chick. Guess what he's using to make that wish come true! Oh, and there's a serial killer in a mask that is knocking off people. But never fear, because Meatloaf is the detective on the case. That creepy short chick from Poltergeist, Zelda Robinson, is in it too.
Full disclosure, I actually worked on this movie as a film loader. We couldn't believe how bad it was as we were making it. Seeing the finished product, well it was worse than we thought! It wanted to be a horror movie but also a romantic comedy. The serial killer has a burlap sack over his head with some electrical tape stuck to it to make a face. Oohhh, scary. And while you are made to believe the wishes are what is causing the killer to do his thing, they actually have nothing at all to do with each other. Truly one of the worst things I've ever worked on. Although I did do a day on Hot Wax Zombies On Wheels, so it has competition!
Torque In response to the success of The Fast and Furious, this movie was made but with motorcycles instead. It is bug nuts insane. I started watching it just to see how terrible it was, and I couldn't stop because just when I thought it couldn't get any more ludicrous, it did. It is 88 minutes of pure comedy. I'll give you a few examples...
Throughout the movie, you will see characters drinking. Not once do they ever set their drink down, instead it is always thrown. Always! There are no less than 15 shots of characters speaking in a reflection. It's supposed to look cool. I found it silly. You will also not see a movie that uses product more blatantly than during a climactic moment of the movie, when do people joust (!) on motorcycles, all the while there are these HUGE billboards for Pepsi and Mountain Dew behind them. It's also fun to watch as tires change during the same scene depending on what the terrain is. They go from road slicks to nobbies and it is so obvious. And then there's the ridiculous explosion from a bike, despite the tiny fuel tank.
Whenever I've shown the movie to people, they tear with laughter. It is a total drinking game movie. I also proudly own it because how could I not?
MegaForce This came out the same summer that Krull was out. Whereas that movie is just a stinking pile, MegaForce manages to be entertainingly bad. It is the unintentionally gayest movie ever. The lead is named Ace, and he wears a silver lamme skin tight jumpsuit with nothing more than cowboy boots, a utility belt, and a blue strip of cloth to keep his hair bouncy. The lead actress is hideous, and I can't figure who thought casting her as the attractive love interest was a good idea. The movie is about this elite force that drives around the dessert on flashy motorcycles, popping wheelies and shooting little rockets at balls flying through the air.
It truly defies description. The story makes zero sense, the humor is terrible, and the action appalling. But that's its charm too. My favorite part is when the elite force skydives into a combat zone, but takes the time to do aerial acrobatics. And then they set off colored flairs from their shoes, each a different color of the rainbow, so that it looks like the gay pride parade is coming in for a landing. Oh, and then there's this thing the lead does with kissing his thumb and pointing it at people. So weird.
Good luck finding the movie. I wound up downloading a torrent of it and burning it to DVD. So worth the hassle.
Sheena It's supposed to be a kids movie. So they cast Tanya Roberts to prance around in loin cloth. And have her get naked. In extended shots. Multiple times. And somehow it got a PG rating! Stupidity abounds in this movie, and yet it's played deadly serious. Spoiler alert...the bad guy gets taken out by a flock of killer flamingos. I kid you not.
WishCraft (sorry, but the only trailers I could find were in foreign dubs) A kid finds a dried up donkey dick that is supposed to grant whoever is in possession of it 3 wishes. Yeah, you read that right. The kid really wants to date this hot chick. Guess what he's using to make that wish come true! Oh, and there's a serial killer in a mask that is knocking off people. But never fear, because Meatloaf is the detective on the case. That creepy short chick from Poltergeist, Zelda Robinson, is in it too.
Full disclosure, I actually worked on this movie as a film loader. We couldn't believe how bad it was as we were making it. Seeing the finished product, well it was worse than we thought! It wanted to be a horror movie but also a romantic comedy. The serial killer has a burlap sack over his head with some electrical tape stuck to it to make a face. Oohhh, scary. And while you are made to believe the wishes are what is causing the killer to do his thing, they actually have nothing at all to do with each other. Truly one of the worst things I've ever worked on. Although I did do a day on Hot Wax Zombies On Wheels, so it has competition!
