Long Ago Musings of Shutyertrap...Earthlink

[shutyertrap]

I tried my hand at blogging years ago on MySpace. Recently I discovered that those blogs were recoverable. Often I am commented to about my writing style. I thought I'd share with you all what that style is like when I am good and ticked off.

What follows is a blog from 2006, when my then DSL provider Earthlink managed to kill my internet AND phone for over a month. I think you'll find it highly amusing...

Earthlink Clubs Baby Seals To Death​

(ed. note - I really wanted to grab people's attention!)

28 days. Four weeks. Just shy of a month.

That is how long we had been without home phone or internet.

Who do I have to thank for that? The wonderful people over there at Earthlink, and their amazing customer service that's been rated 'tops 2 years running by JD Powers and Associates'.

Rat f**king bastards. I hate 'em.

So what happened? Where'd it all go wrong? It started with me trying to save a buck while getting better service. Silly me.

Now I've been an Earthlink customer for 8 years. They were a tiny little nobody when I started with them, and I really never had any issues that warranted me distrusting their abilities at providing service in any way. When it came time to upgrade to DSL, I could've gone a cheaper route, but I showed some loyalty and stuck with them.

My local phone service is Verizon. I've always hated the fact that it costs us $30 to $40 a month for the BASIC service, no frills. Basically the phone line is there so that I can get DSL, have our alarm system plugged in, and have the Dish hooked up. I do most of my calling on my cell phone. So essentially, we were paying $80 a month just for phone and DSL.

Earthlink sends out an email advertising this new home phone and DSL service they're offering, and it's only $50 a month, the phone has all the bells and whistle services for free, and I could drop Verizon completely. Done and done.

On Halloween, the switch was to take place, with what was described as a 20 minute disruption in service. What we wound up with was no dial tone, an open ended line. So I called customer service and was assured that it'd be taken care of the next day, that there was an error when they took over the phone number, but it should be fine by morning.

So that next morning, I checked the phone and still the same thing. Once at work, I called up again and explained the problem. It was on this day that the amazing award winning customer service kicked into high gear. I was transferred no less than 9 times from department to department, as no one seemed to be the right one to handle my situation. I finally talked to someone that wanted to 'trouble shoot'. He asked if I was at home and I said no. Well, there wasn't anything he could do for me unless I was standing next to my phone. I said 'what's it matter, it doesn't work so why do I need to be there?' He says 'to run some tests'. I ask 'what could you possible need to do? The phone was working fine before you took over the number, now it doesn't. If all you need be to be home for is to tell you there's no dial tone, I'll tell you right now that there isn't.' He says there are many tests that can only be done with me at home. He can't kick my problem up to the next level until these first steps are taken. Frustration would be an understatement.

At 10 that night, I get home and get on the phone with Earthlink again. You know what those tests consisted of? Yeah, me picking up the f**king phone and going 'nope, still no dial tone'. I'm told a trouble ticket has been created, and they'll have the problem dealt with in a couple of days.

The next day a guy knocks on the door and Andrea answers. He says he's with Covad and he's a DSL tech. Andrea tells him we weren't expecting anybody, and he says he (wait for it) TRIED CALLING BUT NOBODY ANSWERED!! No sh*t, Sherlock! That's ‘cause the phone doesn't work! He checks out everything around the house anyways, determines all is well there, and that what we need is a transmission tech to go out to the central office and check things there.

So I call up Earthlink to convey the news and get another update on when things might be up and running. Because I now have a trouble ticket, I now have a new department and number to call. I'm happy about this, ‘cause what I haven't mentioned yet is Earthlink has outsourced their help lines to India. So not only do you have to wade through a fairly thick accent, you’re dealing with people that are sickeningly polite but wouldn't know a cell phone from a rotary dial. (ed. note - would I be called racist for writing this today?) All they know how to do is read what's scripted in front of them on their computer. A monkey on an organ grinder could do no worse.

Anyways, I dial, am on hold for like 30 minutes, when lo and behold, which accent do you think I hear from the other end of the line?

continued soon...can ya stand it?

 

[shutyertrap]

last time, on Chris vs. the Evil Internet Corporation...

Chris was trying to save a buck and signed up for some new service that would save him big dollars. Unfortunately the provider Earthlink wasn't able to hook it up. In fact, they royally screwed things up to the point that Chris lost internet and phone access.

Our story continues with Chris going deep into the bowels of the Earthlink help line, where he has battled the nation of India and numerous department transfers. Just as he thinks he's free from dealing with the thick accented...

Hey, what d'ya know. Another goddamned servant of Shiva. I proceed to tell the guy all the info I have just heard from the tech that came to my house, how I've been without service for like a week, and that there needs to be a rush order put on my account to handle this problem immediately. He responds by putting me on hold for 15 minutes while he calls the 'vendor' to get there end of things.

It is here that I discover what is wrong with this whole process. See, Earthlink doesn't actually do the phone thing. They've bought the technology from this company Covad (who you might remember is the name of the company that came to our house). Earthlink is in control of the service itself, but if there are any problems, they contact Covad to fix it. Seems straightforward enough, no?

It aint. Apparantly Covad ALSO outsources their customer service lines. So the Covad tech is filing his report via laptop, where someone in India has access to it. They're contacted by Earthlink's India friend, who reads the report to them and they just parrot the info back to me. Info I've already heard directly out of the Covad tech's mouth. Nice and efficient. If you've never dealt with TWO middle men, I don't highly recommend it.

Realizing this is not really going anywhere, or at least nobody can tell me the info I want to hear, I call up Verizon. I ask them, 'why do you think I have no phone service?' They tell me in plain English, that the only reason I would not have gotten immediate phone service when things switched is if the party the number was switching to didn't provision the line within a very narrow amount of time. What happens if that time frame is missed? Well, the number kinda goes floating off into the ether, and good luck finding it. Kinda like a needle in a hay stack.

I call Earthlink back. I'm on hold for an hour. I tell them what Verizon just told me. They say they'll investigate and that I should call back later that day.

For the sake of abbreviating this epic tale, I'm gonna tell you that every damn time I called this 'TRON' department or was transferred to it, my wait time was anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour fifteen. Many times I'd have been on hold for an hour when my signal would drop and I'd be cut off. I begged and pleaded that rather than I always calling back for updates, maybe someone could call me so that I wouldn't suffer through this. No can do. I was calling every day for 2 weeks, sometimes twice a day. Some serious hours of my life were completely wasted.

Oh yeah, and the on hold music was on a 30 second loop. It was violins too. If you'd like, I could hum it for you as it is permanently burned into my brain.

Okay, back to what's happening. The DSL tech from Covad shows up to my house AGAIN! He yells at his outsourced friend that he's already been here, and that they need a 'transmission tech' sent to the central office of the local Verizon to check out the 'Covad cage'. What that all means is this...within any phone company's local branch, there is a separate area for all the competing companies equipment to reside. This avoids the whole monopoly aspect, though most people don't realize they have this choice. What Verizon did in layman’s terms is, hand my phone line over to Covad's cage. Once in their possession, Verizon can no longer touch it. The flip side is, Covad can't touch any of Verizon's stuff either.

So the DSL tech goes over to the office himself, where he finds that there is a 294 foot gap, and this is what is causing the open line. He says the equipment in the cage is fine though, so it must be Verizon's problem. Verizon sends a tech out to my house now. Everything's cool there (duh). They check out what they can at the central office. What they find is that Covad has missed the proper connection by '25'. Now the problem is, the Verizon guy and the Covad guy are not there at the same time to troubleshoot together, so all they can do is point fingers at each other. I'm siding with Verizon though, seeing as how I HAD PHONE SERVICE UP UNTIL THERE WAS A SWITCH!!

The Covad guy puts in a request for a transmission tech and a Verizon tech to meet, so that the problem can be resolved. Earthlink denies the request.

Excuse me? Why? Why would this be denied?

Well it seems this phone service, called LPVA is very new, and our fine friends over in the land of spice have no f**king clue about any of this tech speak. So you know what they do instead?

They send the Covad tech to my house for the 3rd f**king time!! This guy is pissed and keeps telling me to dump Earthlink, that they don't know what they're doing, and that this service is just not ready for primetime. Thanks pal. A Verizon tech shows up an hour after this guy leaves, and does the same tests he did the last time he was out. I speak to him...

time out----now I'm at work dealing with this. Andrea is at home having to put up with these guys coming over unannounced, having them ask her questions that she has no answers for. She's pissed as all hell, cause she's without a home phone and internet, so she's cut off from the outside world. With a one year old. She has a cell phone, but nobody knows the number, and that doesn't exactly get you online to the stuff you normally check out every day. I'm able to go online at work, but that's not much help to her.----time in

He says exactly what we all already know. The problem is not Verizon's, seeing as how if it were, we would have had this problem before the switch happened. Oh and his two visits, they cost Earthlink $150 a pop.

Seeing that this dog and pony show is just going to continue until I either kill myself or put an end to it, I decide the latter. I call Verizon and ask when's the soonest they can get me back up and running. The answer?

8 BUSINESS DAYS.

Okay, what if I just get a brand new number, would that be faster? Nope. Earthlink controls the line, and there's a legal process called 'win back' that has to be gone through. I ask if since Earthlink can't seem to get this working if it's gonna be a problem for Verizon. Nope, they guarantee they'll have it up and running on the date promised.

I call Earthlink and tell them they've got 8 days to fix things. This is on a Wednesday. They say somebody will be out to the central office on Friday. For sure, nobody will be coming to the house, they know now that it's got to be a transmission tech.

Still no dial tone Friday night.

I call Monday morning (you really may as well repeatedly punch yourself in the nuts rather than try and get answers on the weekend) and ask what the tech found. Tech? No, nobody is taking care of that till Wednesday. As in the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Meaning, if it's not solved then, it won't be looked at again till Monday, and that's the last day before Verizon takes back over.

I scream a while at the man who will hopefully be reincarnated as a tree so that he can be chopped down and turned into a telephone pole that carries my phone line that won't work.

He explains that it's not up to Earthlink to do the scheduling, but Covad. Or at least the outsourced portion of Covad.

I'm defeated. Truly, at that point, I just gave up.

So that Wednesday comes, and what do you suppose happens?

A goddamned DSL Tech shows up at my f**king door!

I just smile and let him in. I ask if he knows why he's here. He doesn't, ‘cause Rajish couldn't give him the info for some reason. He had to go through back door channels just to find out where my house was! As he's unpacking his things, I inform him that he is now the 4th tech to come to our house, despite the multiple requests for someone to go to where the problem is, the central office. He packs up his gear and screams into the phone to his Indian connection, apologizes, and says I might see service come Monday.

Well, yesterday (Tuesday), Andrea calls me from our home phone bright and early. Verizon came by, called their office, wham bam, we have dial tone.

Simply amazing.

Now this is not the end of the tale, no siree. It's just this particular blog has gotten WAAAY too long! Stay tuned for the horrific conclusion, where even after Chris has called and canceled Earthlink, they STILL want to send out a tech!!

 

[shutyertrap]

While all might seem well, now that Chris has phone service again, there's a whole new aspect that hasn't been touched on...the money all of this is costing.

Once I had phone service again, I ordered up Verizon DSL, cause there was no way in hell Earthlink was gonna get any more of my money. Two weeks prior, they actually billed my credit card for the new service! I stopped payment on that. The Earthlink DSL I previously had wasn't working now, so basically the only thing I was worried about losing was my email account, seeing as how I need some overlap of services before I can ditch it entirely.

Meanwhile, there's the issue of the new modem Earthlink had sent out. I'm sure you've all had to sign the same year long contracts I had to get service. You may have noticed that there's an early termination fee. For Earthlink, it's $135. Unless you do it within 30 days.

So back to calling up my good buddies in the land of the sacred cow, asking for a return shipping label, as it was the 28th and I only had 3 days left on the 30 day trial. Unfortunately, since the modem actually arrived on the 23rd of October, my 30 days were done and gone. I said it really shouldn't matter as the service never actually worked, so how could I have actually tried the service? They tell me I need to speak with my spectacularly efficient friends in the TRON department.

I'm on hold for 45 minutes.

I explain that they need to issue me a TNF (transmission not feasible) status, so that we can get around this issue of the 30 days. He tells me they need to call up Covad...

No, take your time to digest this.

...to call up Covad so they can send a tech to try and see if the line is indeed impossible for them to get service on.

I think all of Culver City (where I work) heard me groan.

"You don't understand", I say. "I'm back with Verizon. There is no need to send a tech, ‘cause Covad no longer controls the line. It would be a waste of time, money, and man hours."

His response? "But we need Covad to establish that they indeed could not provide the service."

"COVAD COULDN'T PROVIDE THE SERVICE FOR 28 F**KING DAYS, WHY WOULD THEY BE ABLE TO NOW?!"

"Well I'm sorry sir, but we cannot issue a TNF status until Covad tells us to."

I tell them to have fun doing that, cause I'm not waiting for that answer, nor will I be paying any cancellation fees just cause I had to wait for a response. Somehow, this guy decides I need to speak with the corporate office (why was this not possible earlier?), but they're closed right now. So he gives me the number.

Now the other aspect I've gotta somehow convince Earthlink to look at, is how hooking Verizon back up is costing me $88. My view is, since Earthlink failed to provide me service, it's up to them to restore my old service, no matter the cost.

This morning, I call up corporate headquarters. Ah, the sweet sweet sound of a Southern drawl. I'm patched over to customer service, where a wonderful female looked into my problem with getting a TNF. She says, since the service was not actually put into effect until November 1st, I'm still within my 30 days.

Well isn't that interesting.

I tell her my DSL isn't working, so she cancels the cost of that service. Keeping my mailbox open will cost around 4 bucks, and I say the least Earthlink could do is waive that fee, seeing as all the trauma they've caused me. Bam...done. She's giving me until the first of the new year.

I then drop the bomb about the $88.

She says that since that is a 3rd party fee, Earthlink won't pay it. I argue logic that it's their responsibility, that it's not like I tried the service and then wanted to switch back, but that I never could even use the service. Unfortunately it turns out that the only people that can do anything remotely close to approving that is the good folk that sit within corporate, so I'll just need to write a letter and hope that the right people see it.

Fine, I'll put a letter together (but not until I rip Earthlink a new one on this hear blog!).

This afternoon I get a call on my cell phone from corporate. The guy on the other end tells me he's looking at the horrific events that have transpired, and making sure everything is being taken care of during my cancellation of services. I say yep, everything but the $88. "I'll look into that and see what we can do to make that happen. We'll call you tomorrow and let you know where we are with that."

Wow. That was like, actual customer service!

Just right now, while I'm typing this, I get another phone call from someone at Earthlink. She says she's just seen my file for the first time today, and wants to know if there is any way I could give them another chance to get it up and running within a week. I tell her no, ‘cause I'm back with Verizon. She's bummed that she's too late.

I tell her about the $88 fee, and she says she'll also look into that. More to the point, my case file is being brought before a Covad manager that she's sitting with right now, as how not to handle a customer!

I tell her how horrible an experience it was calling the TRON department with the insane wait times. She tells me they just got an internal report stating that department has hit an all-time low in customer satisfaction a week and a half ago. She says she completely understands how I wouldn't want to be a customer of theirs anymore, but that if I ever change my mind, that she's sending over her direct contact info, and that she'd handhold my case all the way through.

Well that's nice and all, but I'm not going to exactly jump back into bed with the company that tried to give me a raging case of herpes with a side helping of syphilis. And the crabs. Maybe even a little HIV.

And so my little tale has come to a mostly complete conclusion. Quite the thriller, huh? Once the Verizon fees are taken care of, I'll let you all know, but for the most part, a month’s worth of rage, pain, and ass bleeding is now over.

Oh, and if any one of you wants to sign up for this or any service with Earthlink, I'll be more than happy to send you over the contact info so that you won't suffer the same fate as I did.

I'll just question your sanity for the rest of my days.

 

[shutyertrap]

So Earthlink found my blogs. Check out the comment from them on part 3 of my rant against them. Makes me think of that movie 'Summer School', where the horror movie idiot writes the letter to the sunglasses maker and gets a box of samples sent to him.

No, Earthlink did not send me a box of shades. They are waiving my fees, keeping my email address up for a month longer, and covering my reactivation fees with Verizon. Power of the written word.

Now I'm just waiting for Verizon to send out my new modem and turn on the DSL line so that we can FINALLY after only a month and some change be able to go online at home.

Remember when the only way to get a hold of someone was to either go over to their house, write a letter, or phone them (without call waiting, voice mail or answering machine)? How the hell did that work! Actually reading a newspaper or watching the nightly news to find out what the rest of the world was up to? Not knowing a lick about the private lives of celebs, rather than clicking on a web link and seeing their kooch? And that was only, what, 20 years ago?

Wow.

 

[shutyertrap]

I hope that made you guys laugh. It makes me laugh reading it back now. Almost reminds me of what some have gone through here trying to get things worked out with Sony Europe and TPA, or the letters written to Apple about the season pass fiasco. Feel free to share any epic tales of woe here. I get a kick out of this kind of thing.

 

[Buzz1126]

I worked as a customer service agent/supervisor/manager for the better part of 25 years. I've worked in small companies as well as large ones. I've worked for small ones that thought they were large, that wanted to project an image of being global. The most successful companies were the ones that had customer service in-house. The ones that had "call centers" had the worst individuals, because any call could be shunted to someone else. I took pride in my work, and I was good at it. So much so, that two months after I retired, I was STILL having customers calling to get problems solved. And, because I still knew people there, I could fix the problem. Pitiful, I know.
Your issue was a result of American companies wanting to increase their bottom line by paying Third world wages. They have reaped what they've sewn.

 

[Chris Dunman]

For similar experiences in the UK, if you have a few hours spare try taking up an issue with any telecom provider, any online retailer you've bought a large kitchen appliance from or, for a master class in ineptitude, your local council and ask them anything about parking regulations.

I recommend this at least once a month as firstly, it's funny. Secondly it reaffirms that you're not the one that's going bonkers.

 

[Espy]

I think the worst experience I had was with an HP laptop repair. Sent it, waited a month, got it back, not fixed. Phone up to ask for a replacement as they obviously can't fix it, they tell me to send it again. Okay... so I send it, wait a month, it comes back, still broken. I phone them up, asking for a replacement as they clearly do not have a clue what is wrong with it. They tell me that their policy is to only offer a replacement after they fail to fix it a third time! If they actually tested it before fixing it, they would see quite quickly that it isn't fixed, as the issue was it turns off after two minutes of being turned on. But no, they want to fix it a third time. So I send it, and wait a month. It comes back, finally fixed, but for some reason was sent with disc 2 of a Star Wars game (loose), and when I looked at the recently viewed files (ALWAYS do this when you put a computer in for repair), I saw they had been perusing pictures of my sister. And they had broken one of the speakers in the process. But it was working, and I was a student who needed a computer, so I just used it. A few months later, the problem reappeared. I just got a new one. From a different manufacturer (which later broke, and I had a painless two-week repair process that completely fixed the problem).

I'll tell you about my recent Nintendo repair process at some point if I have the time...

 

[Sean DonCarlos]

I once in college toyed with the idea of starting my own business, to be called "Professional B*tches, Inc." The idea was that people are too busy these days to deal with telecom/insurance/government/other bullsh*t, so for a small fee you could hire a Professional B*tch (who could be male or female - "b*tch" referred to what we did, not who we were) to deal with it on your behalf. I think one of the business majors in my fraternity took it and actually developed a business plan, etc., for it as part of his coursework, but it never actually got started.

 

[Espy]

Here is a very interesting conversation I had with an Amazon seller. I wanted to get a Sonic the Hedgehog plush for my baby nephew. I think the emails are self-explainatory.

Hi,

This item is for a birthday present in two days, so I don't have time to return it, but I thought I should let you know. The item you sent is not the item you are advertising. It is a Sonic plush, but a much older one (I actually have one myself that I bought seven years ago). It is not part of the 20th Anniversary collection, and has quite a different design to the one in the picture. I'm quite disappointed, but I will need to give the item anyway. Hopefully the person I got it for still likes it. I thought I should let you know, though, so you can change the listing.

Thanks,

Sandy

Hi There,

There is one version of this style Sonic, this is the average quality sonic rather than the good quality very different one. There is only 1 licensor who have designed this style, I'm not really sure which other one you would have received.
We are sorry you are unhappy with this item, we do try to advertise this as clear as we can.
Would you be happy to accept a partial refund for this item for any inconvenience caused?

Many thanks

Kelly

Hi,

I have been looking through your listings of all the Sonic plushes you claim to sell (I went on your profile and searched Sonic), and there are plenty of negative reviews claiming that you sent a different plush to the one that was pictured. This is clearly a common practice of yours, it looks to me like you are listing against nearly every single Sonic plush whether you have that variety or not and sending the same plush to everyone.

The item I bought was for a 20th Anniversary 7 inch Classic Sonic from Jazwares (it claims to be 20th anniversary in the description). The item I received was of a seven-year old model (long before the 20th anniversary) from Impact Innovations that was 14 inches. Completely different and not as advertised! Also, there is clearly more than one licensor that has designed a Classic Sonic, despite what you say - you should know that yourself as you "sell" countless variations!

Please stop this practice and take more care when selling your plushes. The correct plush is listed on Amazon - you actually have some of your products listed against it - please remove the rest.

I will accept the refund.

Sandy

We have partially refunded you.
Sonic is owned by SEGA so all sonic characters are made from this licensor. As I have explained there are different versions average quality and good quality and we supply both.
We do not just list on other listings, we run a reliable business with thousands of feedback throughout amazon, ebay, play and our website.

Many thanks

Kelly

Hi,

You say you supply two different Sonic plushes, but have items for sale under at least eight or nine different variations, excluding listings that appear to be for the same item (the count is around 15 then). Excuse my incorrect use of the word licensor, I meant manufacturer, and was assuming that was what you meant when you first used the word. SEGA have worked with a number of companies over the years to bring quite a big variety of Sonic plushes. What I am saying is that you are claiming you only sell two different Sonic plushes, but on Amazon are claiming to sell eight or nine. And on a lot of these listings there are quite a few people complaining that the item they received was not as pictured. This is an unfair practice, which is why I am annoyed. If you really only sell two varieties, you should remove the listings on all the Sonic plushes you don't actually stock (including other Sonic characters - there are reviews saying that the wrong item was received there too).

I'm not going to argue anymore, I have expressed my concerns and I hope you act on them as that would be the professional thing to do.

Sandy

And there was no response. Pretty shady dealer. I'm going let Amazon know about them.

 

[shutyertrap]

Espy, your story is the very reason I hate buying things online when I am looking for a very specific variant. Unfortunately, it is often the only place you can find it! And of course, in your case it had to be for what was going to be a gift. So frustrating. On top of that, you were in the beginning asking for nothing more than having the person change their listing. Their denial of the situation despite your proof is what puts this over the top.

Good reading everyone, let's see some more!

 

[Espy]

Here's a good one. I don't actually go looking for these stories, they just seem to come to me these days. I won't post the conversation, but paraphrase it.

I ordered a Nexus 7 from Amazon, but it was taking a long time for them to send it. I thought it was a bit odd after five days, I noticed it had been marked as "dispatching", and had the money taken from my account, but it wasn't being sent. So I sent them an email, just to make sure there weren't any problems.

They reply with "I just checked your account and it's currently dispatching. It will arrive by Friday."

Yes, I know that. I can access that information myself. That's why I am contacting you, because that information does not satisfy my query. It has taken five days to dispatch, you've already charged me, just making sure there aren't any problems. And as I chose the free delivery, it's unlikely to arrive by Friday. Unless you are upgrading the shipping because it's taken so long?

They reply with a huge spiel about why exactly I was charged (because it had entered the delivery stage), but no relevant information aside from that they have upgraded the shipping so it will still arrive by Friday.

I email back, telling them they've honed in on the wrong point of the email - I understand the payment system perfectly, I just mentioned it to emphasise that it was taking a long time.

They email back, with "It's taking so long time because you chose free delivery."

Argh... the delivery option does not change how long it takes to leave the Amazon warehouse! And I clearly understand how free shipping works because I expressed my concerns over the shipping method in the previous email, not to mention they'd already confirmed to me that they had already upgraded the shipping method! Every single response from a different person, who seemed not to read any prior email aside from my most recent one. Jumping to the wrong conclusion and giving me a completely unhelpful response.

Doesn't matter, my Nexus is sent now, but.. crikey. Got me wound up over nothing.

 

[Naildriver74]

Espy they were all sitting at the same table and they were doing this to several people at the same time. It's how they amuse them selfs to make the day go faster.

 

[Heretic]

i know i would haha

 

[shutyertrap]

I know how you feel Espy. Gotta love it when despite all the copious notes they apparently take don't get read by the next person.

I have an HP inkjet printer. Rather than paying for the expensive new ink, I took my empties to Costco for refill. Unfortunately, the printer refused to print, saying the ink was out. I did a little research, turns out that the ink cartridges have a little chip on them that counts how many times they've printed. It doesn't actually measure the ink. So once that chip has told the printer it is out, and since the chip can't be reset, refill or not, it's not working.

Okay, lesson learned. I bought brand new cartridges and installed them. Well now the printer was showing the ink was full, but it still wasn't printing. I called customer service and told them the issue (leaving out the part of using refills, since I was worried that would somehow void warranties). The person said it sounded like the print head was bad and I'd need a new printer. I said this was the first time I'd changed the ink, and the printer was less than a year old. Nope, my problem, buy a new printer, and they hung up on me.

Cue rage.

I called back, got a new person, said the last person was extremely rude, and what kind of product is HP making that it can't even last a year? This person ran through some very basic troubleshooting (remove cartridges, am I sure they are new?, run the clean print head tool), and then checked my warranty status to see about exchanging the printer. Turns out I was 9 days out of warranty. So they said I was on my own and needed to buy a new printer.

I lost it.

I said, are you telling me that you make such a crappy product that the day after it goes out of warranty, you'd junk it? And if indeed I need to junk it, do you even think I'd buy another HP printer? I said the ink was low, streaking on the page. I change the cartridge, now there's not a drop of ink. How is that good product build? More to the point, I expect some customer service or I'll spread the news across every piece of social media I can get my hands on about why none of my friends should buy HP! (Heretic might remember all this as I was in the chat room complaining while it was happening.)

So the person kicked me over to HP Service department, which is really only supposed to be for a certain customer base. I should note, we're talking about an $80 printer here. That person talked me through getting into the service menu of the printer, where we were able to do a whole bunch of other tests. None of them fixed anything, so they said perhaps it was a problem with the cartridge I bought, return it to the store and get a new one, see if that fixes it.

I do just that, and no it doesn't. I call again. I get a new person. I tell them every step that has already been done, as is noted in their file, so what's next. That person tells me they need to be sure. So we run through every damn step once more. Half an hour later, we're now ready to try new stuff. Half hour after that, we've exhausted the limits of what can be done over the phone. Now my neighbor is a printer service repair guy for corporate printers. I told him what was going on and he laughed. Said the techs I was talking to cost the company $150 per call! So we're $300 deep on an $80 printer that is 9 days past warranty.

Here's what HP's solution was. They sent me an ink cartridge straight from them, as maybe I just happened to have gotten 2 bad cartridges in a row. If that didn't work, they'd try to at least work on getting me a new printer at a discount (which I had no intention of doing, as this will be my last from this company). Ink arrives, and what do ya know, it works. It's a miracle!

It just cracks me up though how much time and internal money they wasted because they wouldn't read their own file nor take the info I provided as truth. If that first call center person had of just sent an ink cartridge to begin with...